Why Halo Sucks
Unlike many people in the "Gaming Community" I think I truly stand out. "Why is this?" you may be asking yourself. Well, I'll tell you why boys and girls; I have an insurmountable amount of disdain for the Halo franchise.
Back in 2001, at the launch of the Xbox, we were introduced to a little game called Halo. Now, it would seem that Halo was the saving grace for Xbox, because in that first year or so, that single game was all that it had to go on. Now, the premise of Halo is simple; no, I'm not talking about the story (or lack thereof,) oh no, I'm talking about the game's sneaky method of infusing PC-esque gameplay on a console system... Fun stuff. But I'll admit, the gameplay was quite solid.
So now that the world had seen Halo, what more could anyone want out of life? Of course! A sequel! So almost immediately, a second Halo was in the works, lucky us. After the announcement of Halo 2, it seemed that the hype behind it grew larger each and every day. With all the hype circulating the media, even I was duped into buying an xbox, because, why the hell not? Then the fateful day came. Two towns over a midnight madness was being held so you could be the first to get your hands on Halo 2. Sure enough, four of us went and sat in line for an hour to get this game that everyone had been raving about.
By the time I was able to play Halo 2, it seemed impressive at first glance, nice graphics...But wait! What's this? No zoom on the pistol? This is an improvement to the game how? A game in which everything was supposed to be improved and expanded upon, with innumberable upgrades, enhancements and other additions and now I find they've taken something out? Now, while something as miniscule as zoom in a weapon may seem like a foolish reason to hate a game, rest assured, there's more to come.
While I ignored the fact that one of my favorite weapons had been gimpped to shit, I went and played the game normally. That is until I got about halfway through and I started to question what the hell was going on. There were obvious writing flaws in this game, I couldn't follow it at all, I think the most I got out of it was that Master Chief and The Avatar had to work together to stop fighting... Yeah, way to go with that original content. Again, I'm failing to see the improvement here. But again, I ignored these flaws and played on to get the climactic ending I knew was coming. Then, like a punch in the face, I was set up. The game ended abruptly and with no resolution, almost saying "Looks like you wasted $50 just to find out we're making another sequel." Then I thought about all the game's flaws, and I realized that this game was nothing but an over-hyped piece of fanboy garbage whose primary goal was to fool us into paying for something that was sub-par. Everything that bungee had promised us had never existed, and at that point, I sold my Xbox.
Now, here we are, almost 2 years later, and where's Halo2 now? Oh yeah, that's right, in every college dormitory and scattered almost everywhere else you'd look. The question remains, "Why is this game so popular?" Well, even I can't figure that out, and I know everything. If I had to assume, it'd probably be because other than Halo, these people are socially inept... Or just virgins.
Considering that Bungee has kept Halo fans waiting another 2 years for yet another Halo game, this one with comparable hype in comparison to it's predecessor, they're introducing us to yet another story derived from the Halo universe, this time in the form of a Real-Time strategy. Honestly, I liked the game better when it was called Starcraft... But then again, that's just me. Now, what would drive someone to play a Halo RTS? Well, let's consider all the factors...
Back in 2001, at the launch of the Xbox, we were introduced to a little game called Halo. Now, it would seem that Halo was the saving grace for Xbox, because in that first year or so, that single game was all that it had to go on. Now, the premise of Halo is simple; no, I'm not talking about the story (or lack thereof,) oh no, I'm talking about the game's sneaky method of infusing PC-esque gameplay on a console system... Fun stuff. But I'll admit, the gameplay was quite solid.
So now that the world had seen Halo, what more could anyone want out of life? Of course! A sequel! So almost immediately, a second Halo was in the works, lucky us. After the announcement of Halo 2, it seemed that the hype behind it grew larger each and every day. With all the hype circulating the media, even I was duped into buying an xbox, because, why the hell not? Then the fateful day came. Two towns over a midnight madness was being held so you could be the first to get your hands on Halo 2. Sure enough, four of us went and sat in line for an hour to get this game that everyone had been raving about.
By the time I was able to play Halo 2, it seemed impressive at first glance, nice graphics...But wait! What's this? No zoom on the pistol? This is an improvement to the game how? A game in which everything was supposed to be improved and expanded upon, with innumberable upgrades, enhancements and other additions and now I find they've taken something out? Now, while something as miniscule as zoom in a weapon may seem like a foolish reason to hate a game, rest assured, there's more to come.
While I ignored the fact that one of my favorite weapons had been gimpped to shit, I went and played the game normally. That is until I got about halfway through and I started to question what the hell was going on. There were obvious writing flaws in this game, I couldn't follow it at all, I think the most I got out of it was that Master Chief and The Avatar had to work together to stop fighting... Yeah, way to go with that original content. Again, I'm failing to see the improvement here. But again, I ignored these flaws and played on to get the climactic ending I knew was coming. Then, like a punch in the face, I was set up. The game ended abruptly and with no resolution, almost saying "Looks like you wasted $50 just to find out we're making another sequel." Then I thought about all the game's flaws, and I realized that this game was nothing but an over-hyped piece of fanboy garbage whose primary goal was to fool us into paying for something that was sub-par. Everything that bungee had promised us had never existed, and at that point, I sold my Xbox.
Now, here we are, almost 2 years later, and where's Halo2 now? Oh yeah, that's right, in every college dormitory and scattered almost everywhere else you'd look. The question remains, "Why is this game so popular?" Well, even I can't figure that out, and I know everything. If I had to assume, it'd probably be because other than Halo, these people are socially inept... Or just virgins.
Considering that Bungee has kept Halo fans waiting another 2 years for yet another Halo game, this one with comparable hype in comparison to it's predecessor, they're introducing us to yet another story derived from the Halo universe, this time in the form of a Real-Time strategy. Honestly, I liked the game better when it was called Starcraft... But then again, that's just me. Now, what would drive someone to play a Halo RTS? Well, let's consider all the factors...
- Fanboyism - The most obvious and attractive reason would be dedication to the franchise. There are a million fat, sweaty 16 year-olds who think Master-Chief is the epitome of what every man should be, and therefore have to hop on the "I love everything about Halo" bandwagon. Personally I don't see the appeal in an emotion-less, gun-toting clone of a cool hero, but for about the millionth time, that's just me...
- RTS fans - Well, I suppose you could consider this a factor, but I'm sure anyone who likes RTS will steer clear of this garbage and go straight for the goods... Or they'll just continue playing Starcraft like they have for the past 8 years.
- Accidental Purchase - Of all the reasons to play a Halo RTS, I'm almost positive this one will be the most prevalent. How do I know this? Well, let's take a look at this scenario. Johnny bought an Xbox 360 at launch. It's vivid graphics and impressive sports games and First-Person Shooters really pulled him in at the in-store kiosk. From that point on, he knew he didn't want to wait for what the other developers had to offer and submitted his reserve slip. Now, Fast forward a year and a half later and where is Johnny now? Well, other than knee-deep in copies of games like Madden '07 and Project Gotham Racing, Johnny's horrified to find that his new copy of "Halo Wars" isn't all that his friends told him this new game "Halo3" was.
With 2 new Halo games on the horizon, one can't help but have strong feelings. Of course, these feelings may range from ecstasy to a strong urge to vomit. While at least one of these releases is set to be huge, but based on what Bungee has delivered in the past, it's slated to be another disappointment. However, with all the other games out on the market, some with excellent multi-player modes, the question that begs to be asked; "Why choose Halo above anything else?" Well, considering the stupidity epidemic in this country, looks like we'll never know.
posted by Tom, Not Jesus at 10:31 PM
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